Tonight i was pooping in the basement bath room and when i went to pull up my pants i bonked my head on the sink. For some reason this popped into my head.

Allot of people have some fucked up situations. Thats really a drag. I know it’s hard. I’ve been through all kinds of shit, and low points

Sometimes stuff sucks for me. But over all things are good. I am so happy with my life. I guess i just want the world to know i am grateful for all i have and i hope you are too.

Right now i am sitting on the toilet smoking a cigarette and shitting my guts out at Portland International Airport. Damn you gotta love having a laptop.

The guy next to me is shitting like crazy and it’s making all kinda of noise. I have my back pack with my tape recorder in it but by the time i pulled it out he was done. Maybe its the reverb in the bowl and makes your shit squirts sound knarlier than they are.

Well.. There’s your toilet humor for the day.

If you like the Beatles and Metallica this will horify you

Click here

For about the last 9 months i have noticed an alarming number of eyelashes and eyebrows have been falling out of my dang face and into my eyes.

So to keep them from getting into my eyes i wake up in the morning and give them the little once over tug. This seems to pull out the strays that get into my eyes.

I was kinda worried that with the number of lashes i am loosing that my fucken face might be going bald. I don’t wanna look like an albino!

So i did a little research and found out that eyebrows grow back in 90 days. Thank god!

So today i decided to count the fallout. Fourteen. Dang.

new unfinished song called Candys Got a Way in the main section of the music area. Also i posted some rough remasters of the donuts 2 tapes there too.

Ok heres some jokes i read in a forum i check out sometimes. Some of these are pretty knarly… If you have no sense of humor do not read these. Don’t complain to me if you find them offensive. You’ve been warned.

What do you call the useless skin around the vagina?
The woman!

Why do all italians wear necklaces?
So they know where to stop shaving.

how do you know if a blondes having a bad day?
her tampons behind her ear and she can’t find her pencil.

Whats the best part of having sex with twenty four year olds?
Theres twenty of them

Where does the woman go after she gets out of the hospital?
Back to the kitchen if she knows whats good for her

How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, let them sit in the dark and cry

Why are womens feet so small?
So they can stand closer to the sink

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower?
Give her a shovel

Why do women wear white on their weddings?
The dishwasher should match the rest of the appliances

How many ska kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Four. one to drop it, and three more to say “pick it up pick it up pick it up”

Why are black people hung?
Cause their ancestors were

What does a girls pussy look like in the morning?!
Ever pull a grilled cheese apart?

What would happen if girls didnt have legs?
They would leave snail trails

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
The holocaust

What do you get when you stab a baby in the back?
I dont know about you guys, but i get an erection.

Last night i was driving home from taco bell at 3am. While i was sitting at a stop light i saw a mom and a young child sitting at the busstop.

If i remember correctly the bus doesn’t start running till like 5am in PDX. The little girl looked to be about 9 years old.

I took off.. but it kept grinding on me. This mom was prob going to work and she had to take her daughter with her. For some reason they got to the bus stop extra early.

I remember being a kid and being super poor and stuck somewhere with my mom. It sucked.

So i turned the car around. I pulled up tp the bus stop got out of my car and was gonna offer them a ride.

When i got up to them i realized it wasn’t a mom and a little kid. It was a super drunk indian and his smallish wife.

So much for being nice

For the record.. I really hate guitar center.

Well i got sucked into another reality show. This one is called the Swan. It’s so wrong on so many levels.

They take these “Ugly” girls and give them all kinds of lipo, plastic surgery, and what not.

Then at the end of the show they are gonna have a beauty pageant.

Ok so heres why it’s fucked in case you don’t already know.

First they in-force the fact that being plain looking in a terrible thing and being beautiful is the only way to be happy in life. What a fucking crock. Granted good looking people get away with murder but who fucking cares.

The worst part of the show is the end. They tell the girls were gonna fix you up and you’ll be beautiful. Then they pick the hotter of the 2 girls. Basically telling the girls that even thought they went through all of this they are still not pretty enough.

Damn people are fucked. Guess i should stick to reading grouphug.us