Archive for October, 2004I wrote this last spring. I never did anything with it or posted it. I finally decided to spell check it and post it for your reading disgust. ———— Lets take a walk down memory lane. When I was a little boy I saw way to many movies that I probably shouldn’t have. Not that they were really scary or anything but maybe just a bit to much for me to deal with at that particular age. One such movie was called “Alligator” it was about a giant alligator that lived in the sewers of Chicago. It would come up through the toilet and eat people. This horrified me. I was old enough to know that movies were fake but this sure seemed like it cold happen. So I was done shitting in the toilet. What I did was hide a plastic one gallon ice cream bucket under the bathroom sink. When I had to do my business I would lock the door and sit on the bucket. Then I would take whatever was in the bucket and flush it down the toilet. See I was was to smart for the alligators. This went on for about a year. It started to be a problem when I was spending the night at someone’s house or if we were at the store. I would have to hold it. Finally I decided to try to get over this phobia. So I would stand on the toilet seat and crouch down. I would keep an eye on what was happening in the bowl so I could jump off in case the alligator decided it was time to finally bite my nuts off. Eventually I made my way down and got my ass back on the seat. I would always check before I sat down and got off the john as fast as I could. I guess that explains why I crap so fast to this day. Fast Forward some 20 years. The plumbing in my house blew up. We had not had running water for over a week. Our land lords rented us a motel to stay in but I like to sleep in my own bed. So I usually goto the motel to use the bathroom and take a shower, then head back home. One night I was feeling sick. I didn’t have time to make it to the hotel, so I did what I think any normal person would do. I grabbed a 5 gallon bucket from the basement, made it as far as the kitchen and had to pull down my pants. There I was 30 years old sitting in my kitchen smoking a cigarette and shitting my guts out into a 5 gallon bucket. Supposedly I’m grown up now…but I know I still shit in a bucket. See if you can spot the difference in the pictures. I went to see Interpol tonight. Tonight was the first time i bought tickets from a scalper. That was a little interesting. That dude is at every show. Buying and selling tickets. I wonder how that works. The band was ok… The rhythm section of that band is fucking amazing. Even if you don’t like them but the 1st record just to hear the kick drum and Bass guitar play together. I thought the first record was really good. Songs are catchy and like i said before.. Drums and bass. I think the new record kinda sucks. I listened to it a few times and only cared for 2 of the songs. I ended up throwing the cd out the car window. Anyway the show was good. It was fucking packed. I almost think i would scarifies my self just for some one to fucken firs bomb the venue to kill all the hipsters in portland. I guess if that happened the market for messenger bags, pins, and scarves would bottom out. News News.. Well i going to try our for the drummer spot in 800octane. I went down to see them open for the Misfits and hell.. i wanted to see the misfits as well. I ended up standing in line for over an hour and missed 800s set. I did meet up with the guys and they seemed really cool. I think this is gonna be fun and i am looking forward to playing with them. Were getting together to jam the first week in Nov. The Misfits have been better but it was still fun to watch. The best part was i got to meet Dez. If you know me you know i love black flag and one of my 3 tattoos is a black flag tattoo. Dez was the 3rd of 4 singers in black flag, and surprisingly my 3rd favorite singer. Anyway after they played i got to meet him. It was pretty uneventful, although i was really excited. You can tell from the photo i am way to stoked. This makes member number 4 of the uncountable members of flag i have met. Keith Morris, Greg Ginn, Chuck Dukowski and now Dez. I don’t know if anyone cares but you can design your own “old school” at Vans.com I love them damn shoes! I was watching “Cops” tonight. Dang what a bunch of assholes. Fucking stormtroopers. I can’t believe that cops still use a mullet and fu man chu as an undercover disguise. I guess if you think one of these idiots isn’t a cop you deserve to get your ass kicked by an over zealous cop. It’s funny you never see them kicking ass on rich people. I’d love to see them choking some jerkoff in his suit with his own tie. Being poor fucken sucks. Get down on the God damn ground! All my friends are in Vegas this week and i am stuck in PDX watching Surreal Life reruns. I’ll eat another bowl of cereal while at the same time hundreds of miles from here Brian is getting a lap dance from the hottest stripper you’ve ever seen. Ain’t life a bitch! Man i’ve been watching the Vh1 show called the “Surreal Life” what a fiasco! I feel so bad for those people. Man when your 15 minutes is up fucken give it up. Nothing worse than seeing how old and crusty some people have gotten. I really fucken hate that Ryan girl. So much i figured out her email address and told her i think shes a bitch and she sucks. She hasn’t bothered to replied haha! I guess in Vancouver WA (about 10 miles from Portland) their is a serial burgler on the loose. I guess he doesn’t steal anything. He just breaks into womens houses and punches them in the face while their sleeping. NOw for the record thats not cool and i don’t condone it in anyway.. But for some resason i think thats kinda funny. |


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