OK.. this is pretty graphic in a sexual nature. If that stuff bothers you.. Don’t watch this.

by Robin Bougie

Those of you that know me fairly well know that I adore making lists. I get a serious thrill out of it. In that light, here are “25 Cinematic Cliches I never wanna see again.” Enjoy!

25. That in period pieces, vintage cars are always freshly polished, painted, and clean. They never have scratches, dents or any signs of use.

24. Every time we’re introduced to a police precinct house, one or more colourfully dressed prostitutes are being brought in while bickering with their arresting officer.

23. Chinese food takeout in a movie always comes in those little white boxes, which I have never, in my life, seen chinese food arrive at my door in. I desperately want it to, but it never does.

22. If a bar or clubhouse has a pinball machine, it’s gonna get fucking trashed during a fight scene. (I’ve ALWAYS wanted my own pinball machine, so this one makes me wince)

21. That it’s only after the detective has been suspended (and obligatorily forced to place his badge and gun on the lieutenant’s desk) that he can properly crack the case.

20. That in war, only the enemy (usually the Viet Cong) were ever low-down enough to stoop to using booby traps.

19. People being chased by a car who run top speed down the middle of the street instead of simply ducking somewhere where a car can’t follow, which happens to be pretty much anywhere except the middle of the street.

18. Young gorgeous women constantly falling in love with men much, much older than they are. In other words: Fuck you Jack Nicholson and Clint Eastwood.

17. Chess players are always always brilliant, charming, upper class people, while card players are always sneaky, foul mouthed, and prone to cheating.

16. When an innocent cough is always a symptom of terminal illness.

15. Women that never have enough sense to keep running while being chased by an enemy unless a guy is pulling her along by her hand or wrist — despite the fact that this takes them far below the speed either one could go on their own.

14. That somehow singing in a moving vehicle always makes something terrible happen.

13. If someone dies with their eyes open, someone will close them by effortlessly moving their hand over the deceased face — and they will remain tightly shut.

12. If our protagonist goes to a sporting event, no matter who he is, his face will always end up on the fucking jumbotron.

11. Women that don’t sweat during sex.

10. That every helicopter shutting down emits the chirp-chirp-chirp sound, in spite of the fact that only the Bell 47G (the chopper on MASH) actually makes this noise.

9. If a hero is divorced (and most are), that he’ll have some contact with his ex-wife who will still have strong feelings for him even if she’s remarried.

8. All computer keyboards or control panels have thousands of volts just underneath their surface, and their malfunctions are indicated by a puff of smoke and a cartoonish shower of sparks.

7. That Native Americans invariably have mystical knowledge that can obtusely predict the future, or have a fundamental understanding of all things in nature .

6. That when a phone line is broken unexpectedly, someone will always frantically press the phone cradle button and yell “Hello? HELLO!?” with an emphasis on the second hello.

5. A splash of cold water in face will render the most inebriated person stone cold sober in a faction of a second. I’ve tried it. It doesn’t work.

4. When someone yells “You never backed away from everything in your life, now fight!!” while giving someone CPR or working to resuscitate a stopped heart.

3. Girls are always instantly attractive to every male if they take off their glasses and/or let down their hair, never mind that they were totally gorgeous actresses failing to physically portray a nerd in the first place.

2. Children or retards that are wise beyond their years/capabilities and that humble the adults around them.

aaaand: (Drumroll)

1. Dogs who always know who is evil, and bark at them. From theculturalgutter.com

Cost of eating out:

Lunch: ($8.00/day) = $56.00/week
Dinner: ($12.00/day) = $84.00/week

Lunch: $2,680/year (365 minus 30 days of not eating out)
Dinner: $4,020/year
—–
Total: $6,700.00/year GOOD GOD

cuz all i ever do is post links nowadays. This is pretty funny though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBnY28Mo6Is

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGbewHT7zKU

They make the craziest stuff!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=-jbA437FHFU&search=

http://today.reuters.com/news/newsarticle.aspx?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyid=2006-07-05T180919Z_01_L04727574_RTRUKOC_0_US-GERMANY-BALLS.xml&src=rss

I swear!

We played a show in salem the other night and during the set my guitar went way out of tune. In between songs i tuned it up. But it wouldn’t tune. So i grabbed my black one and finished the set.

I took my white guitar out of the case a few days later and realised i had broken the neck. I’m so fucking upset about this. This is my favorite guitar. A beautiful 1978 3 pickup White Gibson SG Custom.

It’s seriously the coolest guitar in the world. I’ve owned it for quite awhile, and every time i look at it i think damn what a cool fucking guitar.

When i let other people play it i always think.. Dang they look cool playing that guitar!

I know i’m not suppose to get that attached to objects.. but when you have a very unique, almost a one of a kind guitar and you bond with it while writing songs it becomes very important to you.

I’m looking into getting it fixed. It might be fucking $500! It’s totally worth it but i just hope it’s still playable once it’s fixed.

I guess the bright side is it’s probabbly fixable and i don’ have to fix it soon.. I can wait till i can afford it. It’s better than it getting stolen or burned in a fire or some shit right?

I really wish i could find a way to just cut down on my smoking. All the websites i look at have no tips on that. Just quitting. That’s fine but i need to cut down first.

I’m up to 3 packs a day.. It’s really unhealthy and it’s making me really unhappy. Quitting is not an option at this point. All these fucking websites talk about how cutting down doesn’t help.

Well i bet if i smoked one pack instead of 3 packs i’d feel alot fucken better so fuck you. Damn i’m pissed.

ugh!